Obama’s Climate Speech Will Surely Be Full of Shit

24 Jun

by Madame Beaubama, Clairvoyant at Arms / Earth First! News

hot2-620x362Today President Obama will deliver a speech on climate change at Georgetown University. You can watch it live here:  whitehouse.gov/liv

It promises to be, as some copy editor working in the White House dungeons has crafted for a press release, his “vision for a comprehensive plan to reduce carbon pollution, prepare our country for the impacts of climate change, and lead global efforts to fight it.”  

As you probably already know, with the full force of a fucking sneaky but brilliant team of writers and political goons, he is going to sell us a big load of shit.

Look for these messages between the lines:   

1) I’m talking about regulating coal burning plants (which’ll be weak at best) but not oil and gas plants which are popping up like daises. Fuck you fractivists. You can buy your water from Fiji.

2) Keystone XL is not important to talk about because I’ve already figured out with my energy overlords how to get tar sands bitumen hauled by freight and other pipelines under your stupid noses.

3) Renewable energy, renewable energy (hey look over there)…ok, here Big Industrial-Green, take all the public land you want for those massive industrial solar and wind farms before anyone starts calling for decentralized power on their houses and shit. 

rzjxxIn the end Obama ain’t regulating shit. He’ll talk up how Americans are up to the challenge of confronting climate change — which means get used to the heat, droughts and sea level rise — and then he’ll secretly pass gas, order a drone strike and go take a nap. 

9 Responses to “Obama’s Climate Speech Will Surely Be Full of Shit”

  1. Jon Awbrey June 24, 2013 at 6:24 pm #

    Can We Destroy The Planet In Our Lifetimes? —

    Yes, We Can❢

  2. pavel June 24, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

    pfft, speech? more like reading materials that have been written by his secretary and put a little bit of act to make him look like he care

  3. john d June 24, 2013 at 9:59 pm #

    Ain’t regulating shit… how can i take this seriously?

    • Earth First! Journal Sonoran Office June 25, 2013 at 1:36 am #

      Well, “shit” is in the title as well…whaddaya gonna do? Sometimes ain’ts get thrown around and I apologize if you find yourself sensitive to them.

      • john d June 25, 2013 at 8:40 pm #

        Overall enjoyable read. just the phrasing of that line made it stick out to me.

        “Alan”, you sound like a nice well educated person haha

  4. alan June 25, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

    better question: how can you take some seriously some assclown who focuses on grammatical errors while the world burns?

  5. Exposing the Big Game June 25, 2013 at 2:24 pm #

    Reblogged this on Exposing the Big Game and commented:
    “He’ll talk up how Americans are up to the challenge of confronting climate change — which means get used to the heat, droughts and sea level rise — and then he’ll secretly pass gas, order a drone strike and go take a nap.”

  6. Jacob June 26, 2013 at 2:00 am #

    Don’t you guys realize that throwing poop at him from an internet article will do nothing? You have to act. Pure cynicism is a mask for political laziness. try going to http://www.350.org for starters

  7. Geoff June 26, 2013 at 5:58 am #

    To quote Sarah Palin (of all possible people!): “How’s all that hopey, changey stuff working out for ya?”

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