Obama’s real birth certificate found in Earth First! Journal office…

1 Nov

Yeah, that’s right, we caught Donald Trump snooping around in our stuff, again. He claims he found the certificate hiding under Uncle Ted’s crusty ol’ tighty-whitees that we won in the government auction last year, but never got around to framing on the office wall.

Straying from the Tea Party rhetoric, Trump is now alleging that Obama’s father was not a Marxist organizer or Kenyan goat-herder but an eco-terrorist who actually birthed the original-original ELF (contrary to the claims of wingnut-sell-out “ELF founder” John Hanna). Sadly, both prized items—the unabomber’s undies and proof that Obama was not born to reptilian shape shifters—were found, by the collective’s new short-termer, decomposing in one of the office’s many broken filing cabinets…

Here’s a sneak peak at the cover (tar sands blockade mono-pod!), hot off the press.. Just waiting for the funds to make it out into the mail.

Really though, We were actually just hoping that this absurdity would loosen you up a little in preparation for our desperate plea that you to make a big ‘ol donation to help get the newest (albeit belated) issue of the Earth First! Journal, Lughnasadh 2012, out into the streets and backwoods.

The issue features: Pictures from the front lines of the Texas tar sands blockades; stories of East Coast anti-fracking resistance, the history of mid-west mining struggles; All-out eco-assault on coal extraction in Scotland; and the world-wide Luddite revival!

It also covers analysis of biotech and globalization in India, environmental racism in Florida, justice-based approaches to over-population, and the potential for guerrilla releases of large predators into the wild. Oh, and there’s even some sexy eco-erotica in there.

The shit is steaming hot!

If you want to help us get it out to the world, click here to donate or subscribe.

Now, get  off the internet already and go blockade something (preferably something Tar Sands related).

For the wild,

Earth First! Journal Collective

——————————————————————

P.S. For those who read this far hoping for some analysis on the two-party electoral sham, here it goes: both candidates boast commitment to keeping the wheels of an industrial economy grinding the planet into short-lived corporate profits, take for example their near-parallel “all of the above” energy policy rhetoric (though Romney’s record of campaign contributions from heads of the energy empire makes Obama look a bit like a poser.) As we should have learned 200 years ago when the first industrial looms came to England, politics are destined to be the servant of industry. Like Uncle Ted tried to tell us, freedom and biodiversity can only survive if both politics and industry are smashed to irreparable bits.

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4 Responses to “Obama’s real birth certificate found in Earth First! Journal office…”

  1. Bobby November 2, 2012 at 12:00 am #

    I got them TK undies, not bad, but they white, and well, they got crap stains real quick

    • Jimmy November 2, 2012 at 12:01 am #

      Bobby, you need to change those underwear.

  2. Bobby November 2, 2012 at 12:03 am #

    no sir. I won’t change em. They the bomb, I mean, the shit!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Update from Earth First! Journal: New issue and Northeast mini-tour « Earth First! Newswire - November 2, 2012

    […] the word to anyone you know in these areas. The events will be a chance to get your hands on the newest EF! Journal, Lughnasadh 2012, [pictured here] hot off the […]

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